This seems to happen to me every now and then. I have an altar that does not get used. I have all of the tools necessary and they seem to just get dusty. I have all of the books and they sit on a shelf. Getting out of the groove is the hard part. It’s almost like I feel disconnected from everything and I just go through my daily material worldly duties with blinders on.

Maybe meditation will help, maybe not… at least I know where I am and what I need to think about.

Yesterday was a good diet day until the evening. I bought some pizzas from Whole Foods thinking that they were vegan and they weren’t. So, I ended up eating some dairy on the spinach and garlic pizza. Other than my cheese debacle, I have not had any meat and very little dairy over the past three days. I even got my youngest son to try some “rice cream” and he loved it.

Today I will be looking into the local farms to see how I can get more of the local fruits and veggies. There is a  community that offers boxes of the locally grown produce on a weekly basis and I am thinking that it would be a great way to get more produce in my diet and help the farmers in my area.

Being a shy person who has a serious lack of self-esteem, it has been hard for me to be an activist for anything outside of my own household. Even within my home I sometimes feel like I am not heard. Treading lightly is what I do most of the time. It’s easier. It doesn’t take a ton of work. Most importantly, it keeps me from being seen.

So, what does a person who is sometimes afraid of their own shadow do to help the world? What can I, as a person who doesn’t feel strong enough and is afraid to speak up, do to help the other beings on Earth?

Well, that is my goal over the next year. I am going to find a way to break out of my shell and do something to help. My kids call me a “tree hugger” and a “hippie”. I have always been proud of those names, but now it is time for me to live up to those names.

My first attempt at saving the world is that I am going Vegan. I have never been much of a meat eater so that will not be a huge issue, but it will take time and lots of trial and error to figure out how to take all of the other animal products out of my diet. I am not sure what my family will think of all of this, but I can only try to deliver good meals for them and see where it goes from there. Reading “The Kind Diet” by Alicia Silverstone was my first step. It is a great book that speaks at the level of normal people. It is not filled with scientific lingo, but it gives the information we need to know to understand the impact of the meat and dairy industries. I highly recommend it.

So, today is my second day with no meat and no dairy and it has been pretty easy so far. I am going to post my experiences, recipes and the steps I take to bring myself out into the world and speak my mind. Who knows… maybe I can change the world or at least my little corner of it.

Today I chose a card from the Wisdom of the Hidden Realms Oracle. The card chosen was The Hawk Prince.

Keywords: Spirit Communication, Paying Attention

Pay attention, listen to your body, listen for Spirit messages, Stay open to answers from Spirit. Are you refusing to listen to your own inner voice? Are you not heeding the red flags?

Yesterday I went into the kitchen at least fifteen times, not because I was hungry… I was looking for answers to my boredom, my exhaustion, etc. I can honestly say that I didn’t eat something each time, but the fact that I had to go in there that many times tells me that I need to pay better attention to what my body and mind are telling me.

Today, I put up stickers on the fridge and the cabinets as a reminder that I do not need to eat if I am not hungry. They make me take a step back and ask myself what I really need and ask myself “Is it worth it?”. Is the snack worth the excess calories and the lack of weight loss?

Today, I am in touch with my body and what it needs. I will eat only when I am hungry and I will find other ways to deal with the other physical and emotional needs.

Today I chose a card from the Legacy of the Divine Tarot. The card chosen was The Emperor.

Keywords: Structure, Formation, Confidence

As always my journey with weight loss has me stumped. I am maintaining very well but I am not losing as I thought I would. I am burning about 7000 calories a week through exercise and am trying to stay within the 1800 to 2000 range for calories eaten. I know that I am taking in a lot, but with the offset of the exercise, I should still be losing rather than maintaining.

So today my question was about what I needed to change on my path and it all points back to the fact that I lack confidence and that I am not as structured about my journey as I could be. I use SparkPeople.com, but I only track my food about half the time.

Plan: Track all food daily… keep exercising every day… do something to build my confidence each week…

The more we draw ourselves into the present moment, the more we honor the gift of our lives, and the more we honor the people around us. When we are fully present, we give and receive aliveness in equal measure. For today, try to be fully present in your daily activities and watch a new reality open for you.

When someone says to be fully present in the moment, I say “where else is there?”. I thought I was present and accounted for each day, but now that I look at how I spend my days, I see that I am always somewhere else. I understand that being present is something I have struggled with my entire life. Due to things that happened in my past, I didn’t spend a lot of time in my body and my physical awareness was close to nil. Every day I would end up with new bruises because I would bump into things. How can I be honest with myself and say that I am present if I am not even able to keep myself from walking into tables and walls.

I have heard many different ways to bring myself to present awareness, but most take so much energy that I don’t keep up with them. Even as I write this, I am thinking a million other things and finding myself drifting to something else. I am sure some people would diagnose me as ADD, however it is more than a focus problem. I daydream a lot. I spend hours living in the ‘in between’, where I still exist but there is so much more.

People say to stop and smell the roses, well I stop and smell, then I create a whole new reality out of that moment. Maybe there are fairies living in that flower… Maybe the flowers are having discussions with each other over the lack of rain… Maybe the flowers aren’t really a part of this dimension and they are planning their grand escape…

My world is so much more fulfilling to me and I enjoy each and ever piece. Is it really so wrong to create our own moments rather than live with the ones presented to us?

Today I chose a card from the Druid Plant Oracle. The card chosen was Yarrow.

Keywords: Fidelity, Renewed Commitment

When I think of fidelity I tend to think about relationships, but there is another kind of fidelity that I need to take a long hard look at… my faithfulness to my commitments. I have been ‘trying’ to lose weight for over 20 years and never seem to get to my goal because I cheat. What the heck, it’s only one more piece of  bread or candy or cake or whatever is romancing me at the moment.

Watching what I eat means more than watching it go into my mouth and land on my thighs. I need to find that place of true fidelity with my body and my goals.

Here is to renewed commitment!

Today I chose a card from the Tarot of the Spirit. The card chosen was Brother Earth.

Keywords: Accomplishment through meditation

Again I am struggling with my weight and feeling very frustrated with the lack of movement in the numbers. I am exercising like crazy, but I still find myself having issues with food.

Today’s card speaks to carefully adapting my environment, working with nature. It reminds me that I am experiencing equilibrium issues – I have had this problem most of my life and I can’t expect it to be fixed over night. I need to realize that there isn’t a need to struggle through this, I can slow down, go with the flow and allow my body to make the changes it needs to make to let go of the weight.

Today I chose a Runestone. The stone chosen was Berkana, which stands for Birch Tree, Growth, and Rebirth.

This was a perfect stone for me to choose today because I started really working on my weight loss again. I have a lot more motivation now and I no longer want to be the “Fat Mom”. I am going to succeed this time – No matter what!

Today I pulled a card from the Favole Tarot: Art by Victoria Frances. The card chosen was the Five of Crosses reversed.

Keywords: Uncertain outlook, weakness

This card seems to clearly explain where I am these days. My mother is in the hospital and I have been stressed out. On top of that, my weight loss journey came to an abrupt stop. I have felt so weak willed and can’t seem to get back on track.

Today I will take from this card that everything is uncertain. There are no certainties in life and I need to learn to flow with that. My weaknesses are only as large as I allow them to be. If I let them rule my life, they will. I have choices to make and only I can bring those choices to fruition.

Make good choices ~ Take steps to fulfill your choices ~ Go with the flow of life